Broken Families; Broken Britain. Part 1: How I Became a Single Parent

Once again, the "Single Mother" debate has hit the headlines, with the release of the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development's (OECD) report on children. The report seems to suggest that children of broken families and single parents are bound to do less well in life and are far more likely to have behavioural problems than children with two parents in the family unit.

One comment in response to Mark Easton's blog on the subject, suggests that there are 3 categories of single Mother:

1) families that split up, 2) working single mothers, and 3) mothers who make a living off their children in a life of benefits.

The writer, "AdamOpines", goes on to say that those in groups 1 and 2 are a more "life effective" than those in group 3.

Another comment, this time written by "CommunityCriminal" starts,

I dont think its so called single parents that you can blame as most have well extended familys and friends tha[t] help out with life

Well, let me now put my tuppence-worth in.

This is my story of single parenthood, in 3 parts.

Part 1: How I Became a Single Parent (below)
Part 2: Swimming Against the Current
Part 3: Treading Water


10 years ago, I was working full time, as I had done since leaving school. In fact, for most of those years I'd been working a part-time job in the evenings as well as doing my full-time day job. I had a mortgage on my one-bedroomed flat then and bills to pay.

I didn't intend to start a family at that point in my life. I'd always been career-minded and I had ambitions that I hadn't even started working on. But I fell pregnant and assumed I would cope. I was in my late twenties, after all, not a teenager. I was in a relationship. I didn't know anyone else with children and don't recall ever having held a baby before mine was born. But bringing up a child couldn't be that hard, could it? I mean, people did it all the time. If they could do it, I could do it. I wouldn't be the end of the World, it wouldn't stop me achieving my goals, would it? I was so naiive.

After the birth of our child, my partner of 3 years decided he couldn't cope with responsibility and literally left me holding the 4-month-old baby. I was devastated. Other than the heartbreak of a failed relationship, I had a very colicky newborn to deal with whilst trying to hold down a full time job. I'd gone back to work when she was 11 weeks old. I had to. My maternity leave had run out and I had a mortgage to pay. The thought of being a single parent absolutely horrified me. It's not the way I would have wanted to bring a child into the world.

Suddenly, all those great friends of mine who'd given me such words of support when I'd discovered I was pregnant were nowhere to be seen. The ones who'd said, "You'll be fine! I'll be there to help you. I'll babysit for you. You won't be on your own," (there were a few of them) , were strangely elusive. I didn't see them for dust once the baby was born. And as for the well-extended families that help out, well, I don't happen to have one of those. I don't have much of a family at all. Those I do have are very distant and tied up with their own busy lives. Three of my grandparents were dead before I was a teenager and my fourth I only saw every few years anyway. So you see, I was a lone parent all right. A very alone parent.

The full-time creche fees took up a huge chunk of my salary. I was struggling. I asked the local council for financial help, but because I was working and had a mortgage on my home, as opposed to renting, I wasn't entitled to any, I was told. I never went out any more. I had no money, no energy and no babysitter. I'd obviously had to give up my evening job.

So, that's how I became a single parent.